Klass Digest Group

I

was born Robert Joseph Samson. My parents just loved the name Robert since they both were fans of Robert Downey Junior. My middle name came from the surrogate father of Christ; the man that raised a child, not of his own loins, but somehow conceived in the "Virgin Mary." Between you and me, raising someone else’s child is no big deal, but accepting your devoted wife for allowing another to impregnate her blows my mind!

I digress. And Samson is my surname, which the origins for are quite unique. You see, the spelling is Samson, which is biblical and derived from the Hebrew word Shimshon. Pretty cool huh?! My parents are quite creative people. They believe in the idea of spiritualism, but not the political aspect classified as religion. They also never forced me to believe as they do, which most kids don't have the luxury to claim. I…

Episode 1

Now, most of you think that you know my story, but you don’t! You only know the stories told to you by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John… maybe a few others after other scrolls were found, but not my version.

I mean, who would you rather hear my story from?.. me, or a bunch of drunken evangelists that let me get crucified? THAT S**T HURTS! It took me three days to rehydrate enough to roll that heavy-ass boulder out of my way, so I could exit that cave full of dead, rotten bodies. Thankfully, two of my angelic buds came down to help me out.

Am I offending you sensitive ‘SNOW-Flakes’ telling my version of the story?!

Well, welcome to the new era people… it’s time to appreciate what time you have left, because I AM RETURNING SOON, and none of you sons-a-b***hes knoweth the hour, because, na-na-na-na-na,…